Do you ever feel so decimated and destroyed that there is nowhere else to go but up? I would have to say that is where I am at currently. Recently, I went through major mental upheaval which led me to make some incredibly self-destructive but necessary decisions. Lindsay Lohan said it best in Mean Girls: “When you get bit by a snake, you’re supposed to suck the poison out. That’s what I had to do. Suck all the poison out of my life.” I quit school in my final year, having to suffer through relinquishing tuition for an entire term and having it on my transcript forever that I gave up when times got tough, letting go of some prime opportunities that others would have killed for such as an Honours Thesis with an incredibly coveted lab at my university. I let go of all of my impressive (on paper) extra-curricular activities, the privilege of graduating with the rest of my friends, and my life in general including my job as a Research Assistant.
More than anything, I lost all of my sanity. But that was a slow and gradual process.
Now here I am, working a minimum wage job to support myself while I take online courses to somewhat recover for my mistakes while really not being any better at all. You see, I got really sick just a little while ago. It had been a long time coming but I had been ignoring it until I couldn’t any longer. Sometimes doctors are the best thing for you no matter how much you want to avoid them. I am on the road to recovery but I am so far away from it still.
Part of this journey that I have just now undertaken is to figure out what got me to the point that led me here and figure out how to never get back there again. So, here’s to taking a big bulldozer to my entire life in the hopes to start afresh. How many people get that opportunity? Also, here’s to silver linings and the hope that things do get better eventually no matter how much that sounds like a lie in high school.
I think I will spend a lot of time talking about a lot of different things here because I am more than just a crazy person who’s life just went up in flames as I think we all are. Hopefully some of you can relate to my experiences. I have heard it is therapeutic to be able to form a support group with a bunch of strangers who are going through similar experiences.
Rather than specializing in one theme or topic, hopefully this blog will be a living breathing person who laughs, enjoys music, movies and TV shows, has hobbies, likes sports and nature, and can find the silver lining in life. This will be an entirely human experience.
